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Writer's picturecjceleiro

Choose Your Own Adventure Cake

About a year ago, back when public social gatherings were a thing, my pregnant wife, in-laws, and I road-tripped to Hopewell Junction, New York with my wife's aunt and her son. The reason? To celebrate Aunt Joyce's birthday. Joyce is my mother-in-law's non-blood aunt (her mother's brother's wife). Oh, and Joyce has a twin brother. If you need to take a minute to draw a family tree, I understand.


The event was a lovely dinner party at an Italian seafood restaurant that apparently got the Robert Irvine treatment a few years back and has remained successful. We had place cards that thoughtfully divided us with other family members with whom we may share common interests. I happened to be sat by a teacher and father, so the commonalities were palpable.


Seeing as this was a dinner party, there were no true games or "activities." This led to lots of table talk and toasts. During the toasts, I got to learn a lot about the stock my wife comes from, even if we are talking about her mother's mother's brother's wife. I had always been familiar with Joyce, but I was admittedly more familiar with her husband Walter (my wife's mother's mother's brother) given his zippy personality. Walter is known for telling dirty jokes and stories, and isn't afraid to take any opportunity to do so when he's got the mic. This includes large public events like, I don't know, our wedding.


Walter & Joyce won the "Who's been married the longest" contest at our wedding. In lieu of an acceptance speech, Walter told a filthy joke.

Joyce has always been much quieter than Walter. That's not to say that she's aloof, but Walter is a true character, and Joyce doesn't favor the spotlight in the same way.


Now, if you're expecting me to tell you the naughty story Walter shared at Joyce's birthday party, I'm afraid I can't remember any of them as there were bottles of open wine at the table that I happily indulged in (after all, my wife was pregnant, so I had to drink for the both of us!) What I do remember, however, are some of the stories Joyce's children shared about their childhood, and they all revolved around one thing: food.


Joyce was known for working magic in the kitchen. Her children regaled tales of fried chicken cutlet towers to feed every child in the neighborhood when they all just so happened to be playing in the backyard around the dinner hour. They gushed over "magic cookie bars," a recipe Joyce has since provided me in secret and I'm ashamed to say I haven't made them yet for fear of there being an item conveniently missing from the ingredient list (if you're wondering why I'm skeptical, none of the ingredients in the list are cookie or cookie dough related).


But the one story that truly got me, the one that made my jaw hit the floor, was her magic side-by-side cake. Apparently when birthday time rolled around, Joyce would whip up two birthday cake batters (chocolate and vanilla), and pour them side-by-side in a 9"x13" baking tray. This was not news to me, as I had sheet cakes like this growing up. But Joyce took it a step further and would also whip up two frostings (again, chocolate and vanilla). She would then decorate the cake with the frosting running perpendicular to the two different cake flavors, giving you a total of four different options to choose from: chocolate cake with vanilla frosting, chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, vanilla cake with vanilla frosting, and vanilla cake with chocolate frosting.


Me in that exact moment.

WHY HAD I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT? IT'S ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!


The whole night - and I'm not kidding when I say that - all I could think about was wanting a sheet cake like that. I pictured impish 9-year-old me demanding the center cross-section in which I could enjoy all four combinations on one plate in one bite. Why didn't anybody love me enough to make me this cake??


Well, my infatuation became obsession, and I knew I needed to try this for myself. And no disrespect to Joyce, but I had to up the ante. My response? A 3x3 cake, with the introduction of strawberry cake and frosting to make the ultimate Neapolitan cake.


Oh yeah.

Not to toot my own horn, but toot-freakin-toot! This sheet cake is incredible, and I owe it to Joyce for the inspiration.


Disclaimer: You have to make three batters. I know. Get over it. It's worth it. To compensate, you make one frosting and divide it into three different portions that you doctor.


Also disclaimer: there's one part of this cake that's a little tricky and might require some help from friends or family if they're available. The thing about cake batter is that, well, it's liquid, so getting three clean straight columns of different cake is a challenge. I tried to create barriers out of aluminum foil, poured in the batters, then swiftly removed the barriers, and received moderately successful results.


The strawberry cake bled into the others, but it's not the worst.

The weight of the batter pushed my barriers around, so I had to enlist the help of some weights (re: jars) to hold things in place while I worked. If you can, get two people to help you and pour all three batters in simultaneously for best results. Or maybe there's a way to do this with piping bags or something. I'm no expert. Ask Mary Berry or something.


This cake takes some time in the prep-work department, but oh is it worth it. Not to mention, anyone who receives it will think it is super impressive. I mean, you get to choose your own adventure. Strawberry cake and chocolate frosting? Sure! Feeling some vanilla on vanilla? Go for it!


Although you could do this with box mix, this version is much more m-word than any box mix, and anyone you make this for will immediately know that you love them. Like Aunt Joyce.


With options abounding,


~c.j.

 

NEAPOLITAN CAKE

PREP WORK: 20-30 mins

COOK TIME: 45 mins

INACTIVE COOK TIME: 1 hr to cool

ASSEMBLEY: 5-10 minutes

TOTAL TIME IN THE KITCHEN: Presumably 2 1/2 hours, but there's some down time! You will have a lot of dishes though... like I said, this cake is to show someone you love them. And it's not like you don't have the time if you are quarantining properly.

YIELD: 18 servings


INGREDIENTS

  • 4 1/2 c. (540g) all-purpose flour, divided

  • 1 1/2 tsp baking powder, divided

  • 3/4 tsp baking soda, divided

  • 3/4 tsp kosher salt, divided

  • 2 1/4 c. (450 g) white sugar, divided

  • 1 1/2 c. (3 sticks) unsalted butter, divided, room temperature

  • 6 eggs, divided, room temperature

  • 5 tsp vanilla extract, divided

  • 1 c. buttermilk, divided

  • 1/2 c. (120 g) sour cream, divided

  • 1/3 c. (27 g) cocoa powder (recommended: Hershey's Special Dark 100% Cacao)

  • 1 tsp instant espresso powder

  • 1 c. pureed strawberries


DIRECTIONS

  1. Preheat oven to 350°F with a rack in the middle of the oven. (Optional: if you want to be able to remove the cake from your tray, line it with parchment paper going across the bottom, up the sides, and hanging over the edge so you have parchment "handles" for easy transferring.)

  2. Make the vanilla cake batter:

    1. In a medium bowl, whisk together 1 1/2 c. (180g) all purpose flour, 1/2 tsp baking powder, 1/4 tsp baking soda, and 1/4 tsp kosher salt. Set aside.

    2. In a large bowl or stand mixer, whisk together 1/2 c. (1 stick) butter, 3/4 c. (150 g) white sugar, and 2 tsp vanilla extract until fluffy. Once fluffy, whisk in 2 eggs.

    3. In a separate bowl (or large measuring cup), whisk together 1/2 c. buttermilk and 1/4 c. (60 g) sour cream.

    4. Add flour mixture and buttermilk mixture to butter mixture in alternating additions, starting and ending with the flour mixture until batter is fully incorporated. Set batter aside (you can transfer to a sealed container if you need to wash and reuse your bowls for the other batters).

  3. Make the chocolate cake batter:

    1. In a medium bowl, whisk together 1 1/2 c. (180g) all purpose flour, 1/2 tsp baking powder, 1/4 tsp baking soda, 1/4 tsp kosher salt, 1/3 c. (27 g) cocoa powder, and 1 tsp instant espresso powder. Set aside.

    2. In a large bowl or stand mixer, whisk together 1/2 c. (1 stick) butter, 3/4 c. (150 g) white sugar, and only 1 tsp vanilla extract until fluffy. Once fluffy, whisk in 2 eggs.

    3. In a separate bowl (or large measuring cup), whisk together 1/2 c. buttermilk, 1/4 c. (60 g) sour cream, and 1 tbsp water.

    4. Add flour mixture and buttermilk mixture to butter mixture in alternating additions, starting and ending with the flour mixture until batter is fully incorporated. Set batter aside (you can transfer to a sealed container if you need to wash and reuse your bowls for the other batters).

  4. Make the strawberry cake batter:

    1. In a medium bowl, whisk together 1 1/2 c. (180g) all purpose flour, 1/2 tsp baking powder, 1/4 tsp baking soda, and 1/4 tsp kosher salt. Set aside.

    2. In a large bowl or stand mixer, whisk together 1/2 c. (1 stick) butter, 3/4 c. (150 g) white sugar, and 2 tsp vanilla extract until fluffy. Once fluffy, whisk in 2 eggs.

    3. In a separate bowl (or large measuring cup), have your 1 c. pureed strawberries measured and ready (you are not using sour cream or buttermilk this time).

    4. Add flour mixture and pureed strawberries to butter mixture in alternating additions, starting and ending with the flour mixture until batter is fully incorporated. Set batter aside.

  5. Pour all three cake batters side-by-side into a prepared 9"x13" baking tray to create three separate columns of batter. They certainly don't need to be perfect, but try your best to keep them distinct. You can enlist the help of friends to pour all the batters in at once, utilize pastry bags, or MacGyver dams with cardboard or folded aluminum foil. Get creative.

  6. Bake that sucker in the center rack of the oven at 350°F for 45 minutes, or until each cake layer is fully set and a toothpick comes out clean in the center of each layer. In the meantime, clean your freaking dishes cause your kitchen probably looks like carnage right now.

  7. Let that sucker cool completely before proceeding. You can use this time to make the frosting, recipe follows.

  8. Use a serrated knife to level the top of the cake, sawing back and forth until you have an even flat top. The lack of acid from the buttermilk and sour cream is going to leave the strawberry portion looking a little sunken, so this helps level things out. Plus, it gives you the opportunity to taste your cakes!

  9. Decorate using the neapolitan frosting and toppings, recipe follows.

  10. Eat all the flavors and share with no one. Or, I guess you can share with people.

 

NEAPOLITAN FROSTING & TOPPINGS

PREP TIME: 10 minutes

ASSEMBLY: 5-10 minutes


INGREDIENTS

  • 4 oz cream cheese, room temperature

  • 1/2 c. (1 stick) butter, room temperature

  • 1 tsp kosher salt

  • 2 1/4 c. (270 g) powdered sugar, divided

  • 2 tbsp + 1 tsp buttermilk, divided

  • 1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

  • 2 oz bittersweet chocolate

  • 2 tbsp + 2tsp strawberry jam, divided

  • 1 tsp white balsamic vinegar

  • chocolate chips, for topping

  • rainbow sprinkles, for topping


DIRECTIONS

  1. Make the base frosting: In a large bowl or stand mixer, whisk together cream cheese, butter, and kosher salt. Slowly incorporate 2 c. (240 g) powdered sugar. Once powdered sugar is incorporated, add 1 tbsp buttermilk and the vanilla extract, whisking to fully incorporate. Divide evenly into three separate bowls (if you're super anal and want to weigh the frosting, you're aiming for roughly 130 g of frosting in each bowl).

  2. Make the chocolate frosting: Melt the chocolate and 1 tbsp + 1tsp buttermilk using preferred method (microwave, double boiler, whatever...) To the first bowl, gently fold in melted chocolate mixture. Your frosting should now appear too thin - don't fret! Add 2 tbsp (15 g) powdered sugar and whisk to combine. Set chocolate frosting aside.

  3. Make the strawberry frosting: To the second bowl, whisk in 2 tbsp strawberry jam. Your frosting should now appear too thin, just like the chocolate one. Luckily, there's still 2 tbsp (15 g) powdered sugar for you to whisk to combine. Set strawberry frosting aside.

  4. Make the vanilla frosting: Grab the third bowl. Congratulations, the vanilla frosting is done.

  5. Make the strawberry swirl: Get a fourth bowl (I know, more dishes...) and combine 2 tsp strawberry jam and the white balsamic vinegar. That's it.

  6. It's finally cake decorating time!: If you made your cake right, you'll notice your cake should have three distinct columns. Your job is to make three distinct flavor rows that run perpendicular to the cake columns (meaning, they travel in the opposite direction). There's no specific order they have to be in - I did chocolate on the top row, strawberry on the middle row, and vanilla on the bottom row. Use a spoon to create "swooshes" in the frosting. For the strawberry frosting, glob on the strawberry jam mixture and use a toothpick to create swirls in the frosting. Decorate the chocolate layer with mini chocolate chips, and the vanilla layer with rainbow sprinkles.

  7. You're finally done. Congratulations.

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